first and foremost, i would like to credit both
Mohd Rased bin Haji Said and Maimunah bte Haji
Azis for bringing me into this world.
9 months and a few days. yes. thats a long time
for someone to be carrying me in her womb.
suffering. anxiety attack. yes. all that shits.
thanx. for sticking through the bad and good. mom
and dad. you are heaven-blessed.
Nabil
|
yes. i can finally say this. i'm back. though not on a permanent basis. shyt. i hate it. no internet line at home. sis been hogging it for the past 2 years. have to put up with the craps. i mean. its bad enough that there isnt any internet-wall-cable thingy in my room. my sister is happy at my expense. pft. who wouldnt. got a lot going on. just finish ns. yes. finally. no more going to duty. be it day or night. though i kinda miss it. adjusting to life now. just got a job. how ironic. got out of a "job". n i got a job now. strange. n laughable. i would like to dedicate this to Yayat. bro, i miss u terribly. not a day pass by that im not tinking of u. it came to a point that each time i got a col or msg on my hp, it was u i was hoping. yes. that bad. how i wish u were here. we can hang out n chill with flame. tok cock. as always. i still rmbr the time we were at ur staircase landing near ur home. u came out with this big pot of instant mee. dry noodles with the works. n 3 forks. for me, u n flame. and we ate n tok n just enjoy each other's company. true bromance. haiz. come home soon. im attached now. a new gal. Rosila Ayu. hold on to ur horses ppl. she is gonna be it.
theres this thing that happened not long ago. and i must say, its the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. i am confuse. in the mix up. on the fence. its hurting. yes, it does. with its pointy sharp gates having a ball, feasting on my rear. i dont blame it. its my fault. i deserve it. i ought to be put on a stake and be exhibitioned infront of a sell out crowd and be scrutinised from head to toe while slowly enduring the pain and suffering of that once polished butt of mine being humiliated and staked. how excruciating and delightfully exciting. i love them. yes. but why must it come to this? i dun blame fate. i dun blame life. i dun blame anything or anyone. its me. i did that. i did all of it on my own. my choice. my own wants. and needs. and they are suffering because of me. i should have done it a long time ago. leave them. free to make their own choices. never want to exploit their decisions with my ways. i noe i am different. i noe i drive u all crazy. up the walls and into the ceiling. yes i make that heart of yours pump blood more faster than anyone. annoys you with my antics. and on top of all that, i love you all like no one else did. i make a difference in your life. as you all have done to me. why? i should never be in love.
the day is 17th of january 17 days has pass since the new year a new revolution a new lease on life yes i have completed my BRT it has been months since the last entry. i noe. why has it been so long. sigh. i have no time. seriously. not that i have nothing to type. i do. lots. from family. to love. to friends and shits. i don't think one entry will be enough. but still. heres a start. 60-odd days in the BRTC. Basic Rescue Training Centre. Jalan Bahar. where young men became adults. independants. keeping fit. yes. i was from the BP squad. the obese lots. the overweight kids. the ones you shun during secondary schools. the one in TAF clubs. yes. i'm all that. i was ashame in the beginning. to be in the mix of these hopeless kids. kids who are on the other side of the healthy lifestyle. but i was wrong. dead wrong. i was happy. yes. not for the fact that i'm the fittest of the fat lots. but for the fact that they are normal human beings. they speak normal human languages. and they treat you like normal human beings. i feel at home. Platoon 1. Vipers. 35 guys. individuals. every single one with different backgrounds and upbringings. came together for one solid reason. lose weight. yes. 13 weeks of heaven and hell. together. as a platoon. as a team. i would like to take this time to thank each and every one of those brothers of mine for their relentless support and encouragement through this hellish time. thank you. i am in the middle. the fence that is. yes. i have no biasness in me. i cant choose sides. thats how terrible and horrible this feels. for all i know, i wanna leave. just walk out. not sitting on it. the fence. its painful. to the posterier. for once. i would like to have some peace and serenity. yes. serenity. in the form of a justifiable answer. but then. who knows what would be the outcome of this failed decision making answer. i have no qualms about it. but as i lay there with nothing on my mind. it gets to me. yes. crawls. slowly and as it creeps unsteadily and unhastily to that channels of thought. it will bleed. it will bleed. like an overflowing sink. with an irregular matter choking and stuck within the system. virus. yes. and thus it do spread. like a cobweb. nay. bacteria feasting on the flesh of a failed skin scraped from a useless human bone. no muscle. no meat. just flesh. i love her.
alrite. heres the deal. haven been updating much. im attached now. yes. Nadiah. 07/09/07. i love her.
i'm at a loss of word ever since the passing of my grandad on Sunday night. 10.33pm to be exact. he is my late mum's dad. im sadden by it. real bummer. i can never describe how horrible i felt. am not continuing this post. Haji Aziz bin Hassan (05/05/1930-19/08/2007) may he rest in peace.
alright, heres the skinny. ive been slotted into the office. doing some stuffs that seems unfamiliar and alien to my current daily routine. mind blowing and in a sense, a culture shock. well. not so shock to my culture as ive been in this line before. reception that is. well, that is way back. yes. way back in 2002. 5 years. my, how time flies like the Darling kids from that tale of Peter Pan. spending time at MOS. ministry of sound. how redundant of me looking back at how i thought it is some kind of parliament-like cabinet with a drive to communicate with the young through songs and hidden agendas in its repertoire. its a club. period. enough bout that. the smoove to the arena to that retro-like room. its mind-blowing. my first taste of grinding. yes. you could say i enjoy it like the rest of my hot-blooded species. let me tell you abit about Sheila. her name is Sheila. she wore a green spaghetti strap top complete with a pair of skinng jeans. she got a nice hip that compliments her fleshy exterior. her hair is short. not that short though. just enough to tie it up in a nice yet sexy kind of way. anyways, she was with a fren. i didnt notice her at first. was dancing behind her friend before she came into view. from her moves, i say she is an experienced clubber who have the knack of shaking her junk to the groove of the music. so i got behind her and was moving to the rhythm of the beat. close enough. she turn her head and i just smile. from there, i thought i should just move away. she smile and with her free hand, took my hand and put it on her tummy and started grinding me. i was like. yes. in heaven. then she turn. our face met. damn. she got a sweet smile that compliments her small yet bright eyes. i loike. then the music went ballistic and she leans forward to kiss me. i pull back and said no no no. i love to play hard to get. drives them wild. she tries again and i did just that. after a long while, she just put her hand to the back of my head and just pull my head to hers. then we kiss. man, her tongue is god-send. she really knows how to play tonsil hockey. for once in my life. i felt embarrased. and we smile. then, theres Julia. she was with her two frens. i kept looking at her while they were dancing on their own. and her face really stands out. that fierce scowl complete with that long straight hair of hers. i am moved. i love her graceful moves. damn. then i went to her. yes. i dance infront of her and started grinding. she was there to return my every moves. this girl is up to mark, i thought. for a long time, i hold on to her. my frens went off for a smoke with her friends and as she wasnt a smoker, she stays wit me. one of her fren remarked before exiting. it still rings in my ear. "behave eh." then she turn to me and we started again. i can never forget that smile on her face. where are you, Julia? am i betraying what i am preaching? am i doing something to my interest? am i just bored with life? am i happy? why must you kept me in the dark all this while? why must this end? why? i love you..
|