first and foremost, i would like to credit both Mohd Rased bin Haji Said and Maimunah bte Haji Azis for bringing me into this world. 9 months and a few days. yes. thats a long time for someone to be carrying me in her womb. suffering. anxiety attack. yes. all that shits. thanx. for sticking through the bad and good. mom and dad. you are heaven-blessed.
i wore glasses since i was 9. 1995. yes. that was the year i got my first pair. i can't seem to remember the description. most probably gold rimmed. yes. i had class. had. before. not now. now i just settle for anything. anything that suits my face. yes. i'm ironic. and pretty contradictory at times. i can never settle for second best. i always never backs down without a fight. yes. i hate to lose. but if i have to, i would graciously step down. there you go. my ironicite is acting up. i know.
music wise. im pretty incline. yes. i can sing. i can dance. i can play instruments. though i'm a Jack of all trade, i'm not really that good. on an average level. i love to groove. alot. yes. but not always. and damn. i love to irritate my pals with my singing. its not really good and at times, pisses them off. yes. i'm Star's annoying voice. sarcasm use to be in my blood. have the tendency to just dish it out. anyone. anywhere. yes. cruel to the eye.
i hate my feelings. yes. them. that mix reaction. an attack of anxiety. the sad. the happy. the downright feeling of swimming in a pool of mud. nah. shit. dungs. yes. hate it. will come anytime. and it scares me. yes. cause i won't be sure of it. if i think i'm sad, i will not be. if i think i'm happy, i will not be. not be. will not be. contradiction. at times i just forget about it. yes. being ignorant. i know some people tend to have this philosophy. ignorance is bliss. i tried applying them. what does it do? zilch. nothing. yes. nothing. cause i'm drawn to it. yes. im a drawer. i love to eat that apple. that forbidden fruit we call temptation. at times i'm successful. yes. but most of the time? correct. one minute i'm telling myself no. and the next. what did i do? peeling off the skin.
i love to sleep. yes. anytime. anywhere. if i'm comfortable where i am. that's my mat. sleeping mat. to doze and in la la land. yes. i love it. my pals hate it. especially during the movies. yes, ladies and gentlemen. i slept in the cinema. no use hiding the fact. think about it. dark place. cooling atmosphere. no one to disturb. good movie. perfect. yes. the last few movies. with my friends. even with a girl beside me. i would just rest my elbow on the resting pad and with my palm on my cheek. i purchase the ticket. the announcement on the air. "All aboard! Next stop: La La Land!" take me away.

Nabil
Yahya
Sharifah
Cute Q
Nabilah
Najibah< /a>
Zila
Khairana
Zaid
Asi ah
Hid
Sara h Uncle D
Poji
Yazmil
Lydia
Ayienz
Raiz uan
Nurul Iman
Zahidah
Shyda
S.A.L. S.A.
Cute Devil

Sunday, April 15, 2007

am i hurt? upset? that sense of feeling where you have lost something valuable. no. not a thing. a person. someone. but you pray for it to happen. this situation. this event. though it breaks your heart to see it unfold. you want this to happen. yes. your wish. a genie from a dusty old lamp fulfills it. you smile. a broken one lest be known. putting up a fake front. yes. i'm like my ex girlfriend again. a facade. putting a barrier. not letting anyone in on my true feelings. heck. thats mean. thats lying. not the truth. but do i care?

whats up with girls liking guys with bikes?

i shudder at the thought of being left on the shelf. torn. someone's mistake and i'm suffering. yes. that's hurtful. better yet. plunge a knife deep in my chest. yes. let the blood flows outwardly. that crimson liquid discharging from my once naked chest. that feeling. God. it will make pain looks like a soft toy. but i hold on. yes. i got to. have to. i am suffering. yes. i am hurt. yes. but i am happy. what? yes. happy. that weird feeling spurns my happiness. the greatest thing that could happen to anyone. not winning the lottery. not having to score a milestone of goals. but being happy for someone else. heck. thats better than scoring a straight A's. i'm happy. *smile*

its my mum's birthday today. yes. 50th. would have reach that landmark if she was still alive. yes. she pass away. she's dead. God took her away. i was angry then. very. cos that particular event change my life. significantly. shook the very foundation that i was brought up on. yes. that's how it was for me. i tried to took it on my stride. but i didn't. i can't. no. it was hard. there i was. 17 years of age. with my shorts. shirt. socks. standing before the woman who deliver me into this world. yes. and she's not breathing. none. with her eyes closed. my eyes can shed tears of blood for all it care. but she wont rose up from the bed. yes. she died in her sleep. she was 47 years old. yes. its hard to come to terms with that. i was crying and screaming. an ugly scene, to say the least. i was thrashing everything in sight. my handphone. yes. that poor object was flung. across the room. across the kitchen. people keep calling and asking what happen. heck. i was in the zone. yes. a shitty zone. damn. i apologise. nay. i'm not. i stand by it. i was angry. tired. frustrated. and i had to come home to this. you really think i need to sum up the energy within to explain and apologise how i felt that day? think about it.

many stuffs happen within the last few weeks. i met a girl. a sweet one. she just broken off with her guy. its hard on her. yes. i've been there before. i tried comforting her. yes. i was there listening to her every whims and whams. and she would reciprocate with my endless rants about how it has been between me and my ex. it feels good though. having someone to listen and advice you and all. for once. i felt wanted. crazy. but its fun. we would go out. endless chat on the phone and on msn. watch movies and just plain hanging out to enjoy one another's company. it has been a great moment. then it was switched off.


*~__ Afa Romeo ___ ~*